What Made Me Think: Part II

What made me think you were committing identity theft to get a room tonight:

1. You didn't look right. You were wearing sweatpants and have no purse or bags. You smelt and appeared not to have washed in days. I don't like to discriminate, but I have to in order to protect my place of business and my job.
2. The guy you were with was hanging back by the revolving door. He looked like he was ready to bolt at any time.
3. You asked me if we accept credit cards. This is a really dumb and suspicious question.
4. You didn't ask me what the room rate is. When I offered it anyway, you could care less. You may be eccentric tycoons, but I have my doubts.
5. You handed me a debit card and a driver's license. Normally a good sign since most shady people want to pay cash, but you didn't pull them out of a purse or wallet. You had them floating around in your sweatpants pocket.
6. The picture on the license is close, but not close enough. If it wasn't for everything else that made me suspicious, I might not have noticed.
7. I mentioned this and you were not offended. I asked for another form of identification and you said you don't have anything without bothering to check or even think about it. You said you just got a haircut.
8. I said I am sorry, but I can't help you and you were OK with that. The fact that you left so quietly and without argument made me happy. It told me that you were up to no good and I am glad that I don't have to argue with you for a half hour.

I decided to call a hotel around the block to warn them you might be showing up there. The desk clerk is amused because you are standing in front of him. He is less discriminating than I am and has tried to check you in.

Unfortunately, the card has been declined.

Photo Shoot

My night bellman got a new cell phone recently, but lost a lot of his old contacts, so when he tried to find the number of a cab driver friend of his to pick up one of our guests he got a wrong number. The girl who answered the phone was a young woman who was out clubbing and they ended up having a conversation. After exchanging names, they arranged to have my guy call her back tomorrow afternoon. I overheard the exchange and joked that I was surprised that he didn't try to get a cell phone picture. Well, she called him back and wanted to know how old he was. He said forty five, but that he doesn't look it. I agree, he could be a fresh forty two. Even though he is 250% older than he is, she wanted him to send her a picture because he "sounds good". Well, ok then.

He asked me to help take the picture and to let him borrow my grey suit jacket because he didn't want the picture taken of his work issued purple suit and most heinous tie. For a good half hour we worked on the lighting and different poses through out the lobby until he found one he liked enough to send. This is not exactly what I expected to be doing tonight. Turns out he cant send the picture out tonight due to his service, so will have to wait tomorrow. Let's just hope she is sober enough to remember who he is when she wakes up and gets it.

The whole thing amused me to no end. Even if I was single and ever wanted to meet someone this way, it would never work. My assumption that the correct response would be to over apologise for calling the wrong number so late and hang up quickly. If the girl wanted to continue to talk to me, I would feel obligied to warn the dangers of such meetings. I am, however, going to start telling everyone that this is how my girlfriend and I met.