Monday, October 4, 2010

Best Thing Ever

I have been dealing with some dudes whp are staying in room 505 all weekend. They are pretty harmless, but have been drunk and obnoxious their whole stay.

Sample phone conversation with room 505:
"We need some more blankets up in here, bitch! Oh, and a ham and cheese sandwich from room service. I love you."

At one point I stopped their leader as he was going out for a smoke and politely asked him to refrain from being childlishly abusive to my staff. After chatting for a bit, he decided I was a stand up guy and that I should be his weekend guardian and counselor. When he needed to order a pizza at 4am in a drunken stupor, he made sure I was at his side.

Room 505 ordering a pizza at 4am:
"I want...I need...I want...pepperoni, bitch! Deep dish. Hell yeah, bitch, large! Thank you. I love you."

I also had to consule him about not being a very good fantasy football manager.

"Don't say that, man. Chin up. It's still early in the season."

The best is when one of them got into an elevator with an attractive blond. He had just gotten back from a wedding, so his suit disguised his drunken immaturity a bit. They were chatting at the elevator went up.

She came back down a couple minutes later and told me she knew she was on the 5th floor, but had forgotten her room number. After confirming the correct room she laughed and told me that she had gotten off the elevator with the guy and walked together toward his room with keys in hand.

He asked, "What room are you going to?"


"This is the best thing ever."

I neglected to tell her that just before she got here, the dude and his buddies just had to show me the rubber female genitilia that they had just purchased at a porn shop. They didn't want to show me a receipt, though. That would be embarrassing.