I Know What You Did Last Night Yet Again

Time once again for one of my favorite games.

What made me think you were going to bring an

escort up to the room, yet again:

1. You were a walk-in. I covered this one before.
2. You and some other dude brought in two girls at 3:30am, but they had to leave after you caused too many noise complaints and I told you that one more would result in you being put out in the street.
3. You were wasted and frustrated that your new girlfriends had to leave. The fact that they both left with the other dude probably didn't help.
4. At 4am you asked where the cash machine is. I can think of two reasons why you would need cash at 4am while staying in a hotel. One is that you need money for a cab, but you weren't going anywhere. Two is that you wanted to order in and we all know you dont have to pay for pizza with cash.
5. A blond woman without a coat and high heeled boots (see the before link) came in 5:30am and went up to your floor while barely acknowledging me.
6. She left exactly at 6am, outlasting my estimated usual time by ten minutes.

Female Caller

Got an unlisted call tonight at 4am from a throaty female caller.

-Hello. I'm staying at the Holiday Inn, but I stayed at your hotel last week. Are you the young guy who works at night?
-Uh, I guess I could be. What can I do for you?
-What do you look like?
-Um, six foot. Blond hair.
-With the muscular build?
-No, not really.
-Medium then? I'm calling because I am looking for the guy who works there who says he does full body massages for money on the side.
-I'm afraid that's not me.
-Oh. Maybe the security guard then?
-We don't really have a guy like that here.
-Oh. Ok. I'll call back tomorrow night.

I have my doubts about this one. There is a steady line of crank calls at night, almost all from unlisted numbers. Usually, they are from young kids with friends snickering in the back round that hang up giggling as soon as they say a swear word. I had one guy who asked if I was ready. "Ready for what?" I asked. "Are you ready to make a reservation!" He then went into a detailed gangster style rap about making a reservation at my hotel. It was pretty high end too. Unfortunately, I had to put him on hold because I was rather busy and he hung up before I could get back to him. Should have paid more attention to that one.

This is a new one. I've had drunken female friends call and try to convince me that they were a sultry female guest who desperately needs the sexy front desk guy to bring up warm towels to their room, but they tend to have our giggling friends in the background much like the preteen callers do. If this was a friend, I could not tell who it was, so that would be fairly impressive performance. I suppose it could be legit. I think I've seen a movie about that once. It was pretty good, but I only watched maybe ten minutes of it.

Even if I was single, I guess I am too pragmatic too play along. If there really was a woman out there looking for a full body massage from a stranger at 4am, there are many many reasons I would not get my hopes up. I hope it was a crank call and not someone trying to figure out the security situation here. I'm going to email my boss again and ask if that front desk cattle prod I requested is ever going to go through.

They Only Come Out At 5AM

A girl in her early 20s comes down to the desk looking for a cab. While the bellman flags one down for her, she decides to share.

"Oops. I left my cigarettes in my friend's room and I forgot the room number. He's a really cool guy. We've known each other for a long time. Don't worry, he's gay."

"I see. Did you call down a couple hours ago asking about our smoking policy?"

"Yeah, that was me. Hey, do you know where I was before I got here?"

"No. No I do not. Where?"

"Jail."

"Really? What for?"

"Guess."

"Maybe it would be better if you just told me."

"Solicitation. I was picked up by a fat guy in a real nice Cadillac. I get in and he asks if I would do...something to him. I told him normally not on the first date, but for him I would. I figured I was going to make some big money. Just as I was taking off my blouse, he pulls out his big fat wallet and shows me his badge."

"Oh. Wow."

"It was cool though. They let me go after awhile. The cops even let me drink my vodka."

"Oh really?"

"Hey, do you know where I can get some booze?"

"At 5am on Saturday morning? Afraid not. Some places start selling at 7, though."

"Oh, ok. I'll be back later."

"Uhm, ok?"

I Know What You Did Last Night

What made me think you were going to bring an escort up to your room:

1. You were a walk-in. Most of our guests will have a reservation already made because they planned to be here. People who come in without a reservation tend to make for better blogs.
2. You checked in at 11pm and your driver's license showed that you live in a suburb that is within reasonable distance. While you didn't have a car with you, the train back to your suburb would still be running, yet you choose to stay downtown at near $200 for the night.
3. You called from the room and asked if I "happened to know the address of this hotel." This was an awkward question. You may have phrased weirdly because you were nervous about who was coming over. Most likely, it wasn't going to be a pizza guy.
4. You came down to wait in the lobby and didn't acknowledge the pleasant greetings I gave. Instead you walked straight to a chair that was facing the glass door to sit with your cell phone clutched in hand.

What made me sure that you were bringing an escort up to your room:

1. Being the good manager I am, I made sure to be within view of the door when she arrived. She had a strange tan and was wearing that lipstick that makes women's lips look all big and glossy. Lots of perfume and hairspray. I have seen dudes who bring in their girlfriends that look like that, but you aren't that kind of dude. That kind of dude usually has the same tan as her, the same amount of hairspray, and those same pouty lips. Take that as a compliment.
2. Her shoes. This one tends to give it away. While I normally don't notice women's shoes, I automatically check when I think someone might be an escort. Most women in Chicago do not wear stilettos like that in February.
3. You shook hands when you greeted her.
4. She was confused about parking on the street and did not ask about valet or about near by garages. I forced myself to resist asking how long she was planning on staying.
5. She was bitching about Chicago and how much she hates coming up here as she went to relocate her car. This usually means she is from Indiana. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
6. You stayed inside when she went back outside to her car. My bellman was making conversation about the new parking laws and you shuffled your feet and responded in short agreeing grunts. Afterwards he realised that you probably weren't really into the conversation, but were more interested in getting out of the lobby as soon as possible.
7. She arrived exactly at 1am. I guessed she would be walking out the door at 2am. My bellman guessed 1:30. He was closer, but overestimated by 8 minutes.
8. She said "goodbye, sweetie" to me while walking out the door. I believe this is a force of habit. I also have to be nice to people while on the job and know sometimes that can carry over past your shift to people who are not your clients.
9. I saw her license plate and it wasn't from Illinois. I wont spoil it by saying which state it was from.

The Ladies

Like any job, hotels have their own work language. This includes abbreviations, number codes, and politer ways to say bathroom with out saying bathroom. Also, the guests have some secret code words that come up again and again by different patrons. For example, recently I have had a run of people asking for a "phonebook" at late hours of the night. Whenever a "phonebook" comes up, I pretend I have no idea what the mean.

Me: Sorry. For some reason the concierge locks up the phone books at night. What are you looking for?
Guest: Uh. Pizza. I need a pizza.
Me: Well, you are in luck my friend. I am well versed in late night Chicago pizza deliveries. Perhaps I can send you up a couple menus.
Guest: Uh. No thanks. Phone book.
Me: Sorry sir, no phone book. Would you like me to google something for you?
Guest: Girls, damn it! Escort!

At this point, I leave the guest to his own devices. This has little to do with morals, but these situations can be a hassle for me. I do not want to be involved. At all. Also, I'm not getting lucky tonight, so why should you?

I have some of my own stories about guests and the ladies of the night, but there was a most excellent situation all read wrapped up in my fellow night managers night report.

• (Guest) came in around 4:30am with 2 working ladies. They left about 10 minutes later, and he went running after them, saying they robbed him. He brought back the ladies and 2 officers, to search the room for his wallet. They found his wallet, but the money was missing. The police said if they book the ladies & have them searched they would also have to arrest him for solicitation, so he declined to press charges.

Awesome.