Support Our Troops

Right before I started my shift, I was warned by the previous manager that he had just checked in a young G.I. who had six drunk buddies follow him in soon after he got his keys to a fairly small room. Oh boy.

I spotted them soon after. Twenty one years old, shaved heads, full of vodka and vinegar. My suspicions of a party night was further encouraged when one of the guys stumbled up to me and handed me a folded twenty.

"Thank you."

"Just make sure you take care of us tonight."

If I was anywhere else I would be a little more dubious of such a cash reward and unclear instructions, but hey, twenty bucks.

After having a smoke with his buddies, he walks back in and gives me another $20.

"Uh, are you sure?"

"Yup. Just take care of us."

Again, still unclear what you mean, but hey, forty bucks.

He goes out again to a convenience store a little while later, comes back to me and hands me $6. On his way to the elevator, it becomes quite clear that he is calling a girl to come visit his room. He has to spell out his name for her. I than assumed that "take care of us" and $46 means please don't call the cops or tell my parents.

"Just keep the noise down, you have neighbors."

She comes in, buddies leave the room to hang out in the lobby, she leaves twenty minutes later.

From the guys in the lobby, me and my staff pick up some info on what happened during the night. Apparently they all went to a strip club where one of the G.I.s lost his wallet, one was last seen "leaving with some Hispanic chick", one who had not had enough of strange girls yet, and two guys who were stuck waiting until the first train to the suburbs leaves at 5:45am.

About three hours later one of them tells us that they called back the woman who visited earlier. She comes in a short while later. I say hello and she said, "Yeah, hello. Again" as she rolled her eyes. Awesome.

She leaves (surprise) twenty minutes later. The G.I. who called her stumbles down for a smoke and tells us how he just couldn't do it. He has a fiance at home and decided that he just needed someone to talk to. I have said before that I am not the morality police, but I have to say he probably made at least one good decision tonight.

At about 5 AM I decide it's time to wake up the remaining soldiers who are dead asleep on the couches and send them on their way before the checkouts begin.

In the end, no noise complaints, no 911 calls. Forty six bucks well earned if you ask me.

Can You Tell Me?

We have successfully survived Lollapalooza again. We had a bunch of bands stay overnight including Skinny Europeans In Tight Jeans, My Mustache Is Ironic, and Too Cool To Tip. Well, that ended this past weekend so the rock is over, right? Wrong. Dead wrong.

I just found out that the hardest rocking band of the 90s is coming to Chicago. I'll give you some clues.

Brothers.
Long hair.
Mmmbop.

Bad. Ass.

Transforming

Cars are flipped over, base jumpers are flying off of buildings, and a building is toppled in front of my hotel. Michael Bay and crew have come to faux trash Chicago for Transformers 3 which leads me to the best guest question of the week.

"Have you actually seen any Transformers out here?"

Awesome. But no.

But if anyone is bored in Chicago this weekend, I would strongly recommend wearing spray painted cardboard box costumes while stomping through the city.

Almost Mugged

We had a guest who was very upset that she was almost mugged at the Taste of Chicago last weekend. Almost mugged = left her purse in a Porta-John and went back to find out it was still there.

We really did try to be as sympathic as possible.

Opps

Dear Chicago Tourists,

I am sorry that I have single handedly brought the Blackhawks to victory. While many of my fellow Chicagoians are happy with my extraordinary ability to allow them to win the championship by watching only the last game in the playoffs, I understand you are upset that the ensuing parade has made it difficult for you to get to the hotel this past early afternoon. I take full responsibility and would not have let it happen had I known the inconvenience it would bring. That being said, I regretfully am unable to give you a free nights stay since you could not get here until our promised check in time of 3pm as opposed noon, but I assure you, if I accidentally do it again, I will call the mayor and tell him to have the parade somewhere more convenient to you such as Naperville or Gary, Indiana.

Yours truly,
the Auditor

P.S. If it makes you feel any better, I am debating shaving my playoff beard.

The Real Story

I haven't been writing here much. Alot has been going such as a crazy woman trying to bash open doors with a fire extinguisher, a birthday girl getting arrested after finding her boyfriend having relations with another girl, and a young stalker who gave me a quite hilarious love note to deliver to a guest who was staying with another man. I have meant to write out these stories, but I haven't. I'm lazy. I will probably eventually, but not right now. Just over a year ago I mentioned how I had a celebrity guest stay and promised to give the whole story if requested by email at graveyardchicago@gmail.com. So as an apology to all three people who wrote to me whom I did not write back, I will tell the story now.

In April 2009 Keifer Sutherland and Jesse James Dupree stayed in my hotel for two nights, both which I was working midnights. I grew up watching Keifer movies, starting with Stand By Me which made me afraid to go to Junior High because I was certain that there was an Ace Merirll waiting around the parking lot who was going to stick a cigarette in my eye with his gang of slicked haired thugs. Jesse James Dupree I knew from the band Jackyl (hell yeah with a Y) and an interview where he carved up Tom Green's desk with his chainsaw guitar. Awesome.

The first night they came in after a night of partying and Keifer came straight up to the desk where we have a goldfish bowl. He said that he was really hungry and pretended that he was dunking his head in the bowl to eat my fish. This is not a new joke to me working here, but it was pretty funny being who he was. Then he walked over to an orchid pot near the desk that has decorative rocks stuck to the pot. He asked if he could have one of the rocks and I said, "Sorry, no. They are glued in."

"Why would you do that?"

"Well, we knew you were coming, Mr. Sutherland."

He laughed probably more than he should have, shook my hand, and said, "You know what? You're a cool guy. Unlike the other assholes who checked me in." Ha! I doubt my coworkers were assholes to Keifer, but I always had an inkling that I was indeed cool. He tipped me a twenty and they went to they're rooms.

The second night they came in from another night of partying and Keifer went straight to the goldfish bowl, said he was hungry, and pretended to eat my fish again. Jesse James Dupree mentioned that it must be like the movie Groundhog Day for me. Mr. Dupree's esteem went up highly in my book for that. They tipped me again, joked around a bit more in the lobby and went back up to their rooms. Jesse called down shortly later and said he liked the hotel, but that next time they come I should arrange for a fishbowl to be filled with expensive whiskey complete with a live swimming goldfish, and a crazy straw to be put into Keifer's room next time. I, of course agreed that this was an excellent idea and I would surely work on that next time.

And that's pretty much what happened. No cigarette butt in the eye. Just $40 and a pretty good story. Not bad shifts if you ask me. The next day The Red Eye had a brief blurb about how much Keifer Sutherland enjoyed our hotel, but mentioned concern for our goldfish. Not sure how that part got out, but it did help to prove to my coworkers that I wasn't lying.

More Than Meets The Eye

They are filming something outside of the hotel. My coworker said she thinks it might be Transformers 3. I hope not. While it would be cool to watch giant robots fighting on the street, but I'm not in the mood for the noise complaints.