Item!

I checked in Jimmy Fallon the other day. He smelled like mustard.

It's been slow.

Halloween Special

Last night was the night to scare away the evil demons by dressing up as ghosts, goblins, this years pop culture icons, and slutty school girls (also see slutty french maids/cops/pirates/meter maids/support technicians/night auditors/sumo wrestlers/insurance adjusters/etc). Right next to New Years Eve, St. Patrick's Day, and Election Night, Halloween is one of the biggest amateur nights when it comes to excessive drinking. And I got to work it!

As you may have picked up, I long for nice quiet evenings with happy guests and early bedtimes. This seemed not to be the case. After riding the bus downtown with all the drunken costumed revelers (surprisingly, with only two Dark Knight Jokers) I was getting a taste of what to expect. And guess what. Nothing. Dull. Quiet. Boring.

As I removed all the fiberglass cobwebs and clingy plastic spiders, I found that I was empty inside. Maybe I need my drinkers to make my shift go by. This should have been a big blog night, but my boozers have abandoned me. What did I do wrong? My rates were fairly cheap. And I would have listened to you rant about why it's stupid that we don't serve burgers at night. Was it me? You staying at another hotel, aren't you? Well, fine. If you think I can't find another guest to demand that I go across the street to pick up a twelve pack of Heineken at 4:30 in the morning, you're wrong. Dead wrong.

But seriously, come back. I'm bored.

I did have one couple come in late at night dressed like Gomez and Morticia Addams carrying gifts. They had just gotten married at a costume requested wedding and everyone showed dressed up. That's pretty neat.

Oh, and one guy was dressed as a giant chicken. Not slutty.

Walk Of Shame

"Hello. I am staying at another hotel, but last night I had some drinks in your restaurant. I met three ladies there, had fun in the bar, and then went upstairs to have more fun with one of the girls. When I left in the morning, I left my Movado watch in her room. I would like to try and get that back."

"Ok, let's try calling her room. What was the room number?"

"Don't remember."

"Well then, what is her last name?"

"Don't know."

"How about her first name?"

"Sorry. No idea."

"Well, what do you know?"

"I know she is from LA. She said her flight leaves today at 6pm."

"Awesome. We'll take your name and cell number and let you know if anything turns up."

Around 4pm, the dude comes down to sit in the lobby and wait facing the elevators. Our staff anxiously awaits to see how this love story turns out. About fifteen minutes later she comes down with her friends on the way to the airport! He walks up to her as they both turn red and exchange an awkward hello again kiss. They sneak off to a dark corner away from her friends and the watch is returned. With heads hung low, they go their seperate ways.

I love happy endings.

Overnight

Usually our rates go from about $200 to $350 depending on the season and how busy we are. On the rare occasion they go down to $100, we get guests who are comparable to the audience members of the Jerry Springer show.

The other night I had a young couple come to the front desk.

"How old do you have to be to stay at this hotel?" This is never a good sign. After I told them they turned to each other with a conspiring look and then asked for a room for two nights.

"Sigh, ok. The rate is going to be $239 per night. I'll just need a photo id and a credit card?"

"No thanks. I want one of your $40 rooms."

"Oh, are you referring to the sign by the door?"

"Yup. And I don't have a credit card, only cash."

"The sign that says '$40 Overnight'?"

"Yeah, does that include tax?"

"Sorry the room rate is $239. The sign is for the garage's rates. If you finished reading it you will see that $40 will get your car parked for the night."

"Oh. No $40 room?"

"No $40 room."

"Oh. That sucks."

Unsurprisingly, this is not the first time I've had this conversation.

Tension Release

"Hey. Uh, do you know of any, uh, you know. Massage parlors. With the Asian ladies?"

Awesome!

And no. No I don't.




Two hours later a blond in a miniskirt and stiletto heels walked in after telling the valet her driver will be back for her in half an hour. I wonder who she is here for?

Can't Please Everyone

4:15am - friendly drunk girl walks back inside after saying goodbye to a friend

"Hey! What size your your pants?"

"Uh, what? 34 I think."

"Damn. Not 28?"

"Nope. Afraid not."

"Oh well. Goodnight!"



Can't help but wonder how that could have gone.

My Man!

1:15am phone call
Tipsy McBoozer: Hello. I need a wake up call. Earwy.
Me: Ok sir, how early would you like me to call.
TMcB: Earwy.
Me: You got it. What time would that be?
TMcB: Uh................. I'll call you back.
(click)

1:30am
Tipsy McBoozer: Hello. Wake me up earwy.
Me: You got it sir. And what time should we call you?
TMcB: Ok. Call me at 7..............
Me: Call you at 7am. Got...
TMcB: 15! 7:15 and 7:30.
Me: You got it sir, 7:15 and 7:30 am.
TMcB: Got it?
Me: I got it sir. Have a good night.
(click)

1:40am
Tipsy McBoozer: I need to wake up earwy.
Me: No problem, sir. We have you down for a wake up call at 7:15 and 7:30am.
TMcB: Earwyer.
Me: Earlier, you got it. What time can I change that too?
TMcB: ................ I'll call you back.
(click)

1:45am
Me: Good morning again.
TMcB: Wake me up earwy.
Me: Not a problem. What time?
TMcB: 7:00 and 7:30.
Me: Ok, 7:00 and 7:30am. You got it.
TMcB: You gonna wake me up?
Me: You bet we are! 7 and 7:30.
TMcB: My man!