When I started this blog, I made a few rules for myself. One was to not identify which hotel I work at. Two was not to use my real name or have my friends post it here, even though Jeremy the Dummy already did that. These rules were made because I respect my workplace and don't want to bring any accidental bad attention to it. Not that it really matters, as far as I know only friends of mine read it, which is awesome. If I don't know you and you found this blog, feel free to email me at graveyardchicago@gmail.com or leave me a comment here. I want to be virtually popular. The third rule I made for myself was not to use the real names of guests who stay here (unless they are celebs who have already checked out or hotel room porno makers). In my other blog, I have poked fun of people's names at my old property, but I've matured beyond that and gained respect for privacy. Until now. I cant help it. I am going to break rule number 3.
Ladies and gentlemen, Mr Bruce Superman is staying over tonight.
Holy shit. Bruce Superman! There's no way anyone could really have this name! Well, the credit card he used swiped the name Superman, B into the system, so KAPOW non believers! Now, I haven't met Bruce Superman. I don't think I need to. I know everything I need to know about him. Or at least everything I decided that I am going to pretend I know about him. Even though I'm sure this is impossible, but I want to make sure I like Bruce Superman and couldn't bear to take the chance to have him look down on me if I ever disappointed him. Who knows what Bruce Superman would do if his bath towels didn't come up in time.
What I know about Bruce Superman:
He's an AAA member, he'll drop $120 on room service, and another $150 in assorted restaurant charges. Obviously a man with developed palate and a heightened sense of bargain hunting. He hasn't rented a porno, but I doubt Bruce Superman has ever needed pornography. He also enjoys scented bath balls.
What I can assume about Bruce Superman:
He is a bad ass. If he was born Bruce Superman, no kid would ever mess with him. He probably never had to fight anyone in his life, unless they were a bully from another school who made the mistake of jumping the wrong kid for milk money. Granted, there is a strong chance that he decided to become Bruce Superman. If this is the case, he either is a laid back dude with a good sense of humor or he was forced to become Bruce Superman after his parents were shot down in an alley and rocketed out to an exploding planet. So he may be a witty swashbuckling crime fighter or a dark brooding vigilante. Or he might be an above average accountant. Whatever he does, I am sure he does it well and with honor for the American way.
Of course, being Bruce Superman has to have some downsides too. He probably had a hard time with his ID while trying to get into bars when he turned 21. And I'm sure some of his coworkers (under either identity) may tease him behind his back. And of course he has to hear the same comments over and over and have people stare at him with a stupid smile on their face when they first hear his name. Morons. You have not the right to judge Bruce Superman, just be thankful that he is in your presence! And of course, Bruce Superman has to have some arch enemies. Like that goon in shipping named Lex DrDoom. And his nosey landlord, Zod Magneto. Or his untrustworthy on again/off again ex girlfriend, Selina Mystique. Bruce Superman probably has a couple serious trust issues. He's been hurt before, emotionally and once thrown into a vat of acid sharks.
I am sorry that I had to broke my third rule, but it's quite obvious I did so out of respect to you, Bruce Superman. I hope your Mediterranean suite was as comfortable as your cave of solitude. Thank you for staying with us and we do truly hope you come back someday. Check out is at noon.
Friday, December 28, 2007
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Pet Friendly
Highlight of the day:
A working seeing eye dog going ape shit when passing the front desk since he knew we had treats at the front desk. Not very professional, dawg.
Sorry. I punned.
A working seeing eye dog going ape shit when passing the front desk since he knew we had treats at the front desk. Not very professional, dawg.
Sorry. I punned.
Sunday, December 9, 2007
If The Shoe Fits
Stereotyping is bad, right? Well, yes, I suppose it is, but sometimes people make it so very easy to lump them into a category. I didn't make up the stereotype and I am not the one enforcing it. But I guess someone did and some people just wear it well.
Anyway, we had a wedding tonight that fitted into a stereotype that is probably safe politically correct wise to make fun of. Hill billies! Everywhere. I heard a "YEE HAW!" and a "Git er done!" yelled within 10 seconds of each other.
One guy came by the front desk and asked if I was a California surfer dude. I said no, born and raised in Chicago. Then he told me he doesn't like Chicago weather and how in Texas he likes to ride around on his motorcycle while wearing shorts. Uhm, ok. And he asked me what we do when NASCAR comes to town.
You did it. You said NASCAR. You have been judged. It is out of my hands.
Anyway, we had a wedding tonight that fitted into a stereotype that is probably safe politically correct wise to make fun of. Hill billies! Everywhere. I heard a "YEE HAW!" and a "Git er done!" yelled within 10 seconds of each other.
One guy came by the front desk and asked if I was a California surfer dude. I said no, born and raised in Chicago. Then he told me he doesn't like Chicago weather and how in Texas he likes to ride around on his motorcycle while wearing shorts. Uhm, ok. And he asked me what we do when NASCAR comes to town.
You did it. You said NASCAR. You have been judged. It is out of my hands.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
They Only Come Out at Night
The reservation office called us today saying that a certain guest is unable to checkout until 5:30pm due to religious reasons.
5:30pm. Just when it's starting to get dark in Novemeber. Religous reasons? Sounds like a common case of Porphyric Hemophilia to me.
Excuse me while I go sharpen some broom handles.
5:30pm. Just when it's starting to get dark in Novemeber. Religous reasons? Sounds like a common case of Porphyric Hemophilia to me.
Excuse me while I go sharpen some broom handles.
Monday, October 29, 2007
Tricks and Treats
Earlier today we had a female guest call down and complained that electricity blew out in her room. When the problem was investigated, we found that the blown fuse was due to all the photography equipment set up to do, ahem, a photo shoot. A quick internet search done by one of the managers found some of her other work. Alas, he did not share the web address. We get quite a few of these "models" along with some "dancers" and "film stars". Awesome!
At about midnight, three girls came down in very skimpy dominatrix outfits. Skimpy as in better have a couple band-aids under the corset so there are no arrests for indecency. It seems the night before they were wearing the same thing when they went out. Our engineer was in the elevator with them when he was ordered to bend over while one of them waved a menacing banana at him (I declined to ask what happened next. They were on the prowl for some hot Sunday late night Halloween parties. When I got a cab for them, they didn't believe that I didn't know where all the good strip clubs are. They said goodnight and that they'll be back at 7am. No banana was offered to me, so I didn't offer one either.
At about midnight, three girls came down in very skimpy dominatrix outfits. Skimpy as in better have a couple band-aids under the corset so there are no arrests for indecency. It seems the night before they were wearing the same thing when they went out. Our engineer was in the elevator with them when he was ordered to bend over while one of them waved a menacing banana at him (I declined to ask what happened next. They were on the prowl for some hot Sunday late night Halloween parties. When I got a cab for them, they didn't believe that I didn't know where all the good strip clubs are. They said goodnight and that they'll be back at 7am. No banana was offered to me, so I didn't offer one either.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Bad Dude
An internal flag on an incoming guests room:
"Guest's wife does not allow him to carry a credit card, so he will bring a photocopy of the card (issued in his name) along with acceptable ID. Have the guest fill out a cc authorization form at c/in and keep copies of the cc and a copy of the id"
Please please please let me be the one who checks this one in.
"Guest's wife does not allow him to carry a credit card, so he will bring a photocopy of the card (issued in his name) along with acceptable ID. Have the guest fill out a cc authorization form at c/in and keep copies of the cc and a copy of the id"
Please please please let me be the one who checks this one in.
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Religion, Mystics, Confusion, and Vomit
I haven't been posting for awhile because it's been rather dull here. Very disappointing. Busy, but dull. I figured I should at least post something in case my three readers stop coming by.
We had a happy drunken wedding this past evening. Since it is a non smoking hotel, it is usual for guests to hang outside of the front door to puff away and sneak out beverages. There were about a half dozen party goers outside when I noticed a homeless man interacting with them. We have quite a few regular homeless in this area of the loop, so it is not unusual. I was watching this from the inside and called the bellman who was outside calling cabs.
Me: What's that guy doing out there? Is everything cool?
Night Bellman: Yeah. Everythings cool. He's just preaching Jesus.
Soon after, there were group hugs with the homeless man and much merrymaking. Saved!
Later I walked out just in time to see a young lady vomit out the door of her cab. Her boyfriend and I exchanged looks and tried not to laugh. I like to pretend I never drink when I see things like this.
There was a memo by the other night auditor to look out for the models who were checking in because they might be confused. I thought this was funny. But it turned out to be true.
Drunk swedes have trouble understanding our wacky number system. 1202? 1205? Not the same thing?
I also had one lady come down to the desk at 4am with a new question. We have a lady come in during our wine hour who does writing analysis. The lady wanted to know if we know who this hotel mystic was and to make sure she isn't going to steal her handwriting and her identity. Fair enough, I guess. Maybe. Interesting what worries go through people's heads at 4 in the morning. I assured her we knew how this lady was and that she probably had nothing to worry about. Pretty sure she went back to bed unconvinced.
We had a happy drunken wedding this past evening. Since it is a non smoking hotel, it is usual for guests to hang outside of the front door to puff away and sneak out beverages. There were about a half dozen party goers outside when I noticed a homeless man interacting with them. We have quite a few regular homeless in this area of the loop, so it is not unusual. I was watching this from the inside and called the bellman who was outside calling cabs.
Me: What's that guy doing out there? Is everything cool?
Night Bellman: Yeah. Everythings cool. He's just preaching Jesus.
Soon after, there were group hugs with the homeless man and much merrymaking. Saved!
Later I walked out just in time to see a young lady vomit out the door of her cab. Her boyfriend and I exchanged looks and tried not to laugh. I like to pretend I never drink when I see things like this.
There was a memo by the other night auditor to look out for the models who were checking in because they might be confused. I thought this was funny. But it turned out to be true.
Drunk swedes have trouble understanding our wacky number system. 1202? 1205? Not the same thing?
I also had one lady come down to the desk at 4am with a new question. We have a lady come in during our wine hour who does writing analysis. The lady wanted to know if we know who this hotel mystic was and to make sure she isn't going to steal her handwriting and her identity. Fair enough, I guess. Maybe. Interesting what worries go through people's heads at 4 in the morning. I assured her we knew how this lady was and that she probably had nothing to worry about. Pretty sure she went back to bed unconvinced.
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